We all have crossroads in our lives. Some big, some small. The door
opened, the choice made, the door closed. The new direction. The world
seen differently. Behaviors changed.
I experienced a somewhat important one, in a canyon once.
Had just met many of the gang at the Cedar Mesa rendezvous, in October
of 01. The winter had been a long one, but light at the end of the
tunnel (On coming train?) had come, as a trip was planned for the
first few days of March 02. I brought my boys, John Baise of "The
Beast" fame and The Vladman, who seems to be with me every other time
I get in trouble or spanked. Drove out from Colorado. Slept behind
those buttes 7-10 miles north of Hanksville. A crisp night, so dry
that breathing hurts. Thermometer said 12 degrees the next AM. If you
have been out for a while, you adapt. That layer of dirt which clogs
the pores, and coats the skin, working as both sunscreen and
insulator. But that first night out, clean and unaccustomed as you
are? Wow, I still remember the chill and the frost rim on the sleeping
bag and bivy sack. We went to meet Tom Jones and Alicia Scotter, who
stayed in a lovely motel in Hanksville and Dave Black who did his
commute from Blanding. Tom and I had a tick list to share with each
other. He went first and off we went to a canyon off Cedar Point. One
he had never done before and for which, in our group anyway, existed
no beta.
The sun was shining and it was now a balmy 35 degrees, in the sun. A
couple of short raps and we are in.....and out of the sun. Mostly
anyway. I get out of practice for these first few days, every year.
Conditioning down and I forget things. How about a headlamp and my
humility? Anyway, we a gliding down canyon. Lots of stemming and
squeezing. Tearing at the gear and clothing, but the mood was light.
Good conversation and progress was steady, which is the best one can
hope for in such a place. We had lunch and entered a second narrows.
Ummmm, a bit tighter. Half an hour later, a third narrows starts.
Tight and tall, then tighter, then darker, then tighter and then dark!
Almost, anyway. Bit of light filters in. The canyon is at an angle,
leaning 25 degrees or so, to the right. When its dark, one feels that
the place is even tighter than it is. Bottom squeezes the feet. Worked
very hard. Sweated like a pig. I remember getting concerned by "how
tight" it was. Then it relented and a large opening came. And I forgot
about tightness
Did I say sweated "Like a pig?" Now a confession. I have always been a
fellow of, how to say it? LARGE appetites. Food, scotch, beer,
adventure and all other forms of indulgence. Rarely said "no" to
myself. I tended to bang around at about 220 LB, but this winter had
been good to me and I was carrying 235 pounds, an all time high, on my
6"1" frame. A bit like a pregnet pear. I know this, because the
pictures have been documented, by my friend Tom.
This is a little dangerous, as all generalizations are, but allow me.
Worse when gender is introduced. I have noted that some women, walk
around with a somewhat negative body self image. They can be just
fine, but they think that they are a little too much of this or a
little to little of that and in the wrong places. Societies fault? Now
guys on the other hand. They can be fat and balding and they can walk
down the street thinking themselves quite the desirable commodity.
"Don't ya want me, baby?" I call it the "Magnificent Delusion." Not
entirely unhealthy. But I was delusional and I had not a clue. You
know, a little winter layering, that's all. Down canyon we continue.
I often write about being vigilant about reversibility. Always being
aware of whether you can extract yourself and go up and out. First day
of the year. Ahhhh, kinda forgot to. In oblivion, down I go. A
squeeze, a rap a couple of down climbs and the canyon tightens. Thus
starts the 4th narrows. It is vertical now, so not so physical. A
corner here and a corner there, couple of natural bridges and before
me lies......a narrows too narrow, that even with my delusions, I know
I ain't gettin into, let alone through!! You know that feeling in the
stomach? Like someone punched you? We had started late (Sound
familiar?) and there was only a couple of hours of daylight left. We
had a rappel, the rope pulled, behind us, the way ahead was
impossible, for me anyway, I had no extra gear, wet feet, the temps
down here are in the 20's and we know where they are going. Climb up?
Less than 1 foot wide for as far as the eye can see. Can't go forward,
can't go back, can't go up. Maybe I can dig a hole and just
die?....No, too narrow. Got that electricity feeling going all over my
skin. Felt too doomed to panic. Apparently Dave Black had stood on the
shoulders of 5"1" Alicia to get thru the tightness, using her
effectively as stilts. Tom, at 180, still the largest man to get
through here, to my knowledge, struggled to find that perfect level to
manage to squeeze thru. A knee bend here, tip toes there. And a lot of
"pushing through". Vlad and John can make it no problem, both being in
the 150 LB range. Will they leave their pathetic mentor to his fate?
And would it be justice for past transgressions?
No! They still love me! Vlad shuttles the narrow section. Big ropes
forward, small ropes back. Food split and with a sense of urgency, my
pals accompany me on an attempt to reverse the canyon. I don't even
know if there is a "out" out the side somewhere up there, as I wasn't
paying attention, but what else to do? The rap comes first. We had
rapped off of people and John and Dave had crawled over a ledge to a
chockstone and rapped. John boldly led 25 feet up to the chockstone. A
chimney that narrowed awkwardly near the top. They rated it 5.8+. I
rated it "too hard for my fat butt." So after some dramatics, we are
facing, what I have come to call "The grim crawl of death" after a
section of cave I read about in Wyoming. The ledge is wide. 3-4 feet,
or so, as I remember. Coated in red sand and slanted at an angle that
wants to roll you off the drop, 25 feet into the darkness. Ledge is
wide enough, one would think, but the roof is so low that one can't
get up on your elbows or knees at all and you have the insecure
feeling you are going to just "roll off" the damn thing. So you
literally belly (I was a pro!) and use tiny ledges to make progress. A
loooong 20 feet to the other end. I had a belay there, but we knew,
that no one was going to hold my lard bottom, if I rolled, sideways
off the ledge, with the belayer anchorless. Made it! Whew! My mouth
was SO dry that my tongue was stuck to my mouth and I couldn't talk
(Thank goodness for small favors). Out of water too? Wouldn't have
helped much. More than thirst was at work. OK, OK, on we go, the sense
of urgency still ruling, but optimism is creeping in. We may not get
out of the canyon, but we will be out of the dark bowels, or so we
think. Here comes a 12 foot section, at 60 degrees, that I had
squeezed and used gravity to make my way down a few hours earlier. No
way over. Vlad can't even make progress. What to do? Finally John and
I push Vlad into the squeeze, yarding on him fully as he squirms up.
Finally he is almost beyond our reach. I go next. With Vlad pulling
from above and John pushing from below, I squeeze in. The beached
whale made it forward, with his pals help. A hand down to John and he
is in with us. We progressed in this fashion up to the top of this
section as a human accordion or, if you like, human earthworm. Never
used that one before or since. Impending darkness and the canyon
opens. Huff and puff. Their is a short open section, before the
slanted and dark section. Fingers crossed and there it is! A big
boulder field leading up the first tier, at least. With no further
ado, up and it goes. Wrong side of the canyon for the car, but we are
NOT complaining! Up to the rim, around and a sprint across the
desert to the road, with our eyes making use of the tiny bit of light
left. The road. Whew! Walk it in the darkness, while decompressing. 15
minutes to the cars. Wow. Dodged the preverbal bullet. Thank you to
John and Vlad for saving my ample butt.
Take the cars around to our other heroes who made it through the
canyon. They had there own fun. 2 stage 100 foot rap, nude, clothes in
the pack, into a swimmer. Brrrrrrrrrrrr. Dress and adios. When we met
that evening, Tom laid a huge hug on me. Now Tom is a great guy and a
great friend, but we barely knew each other then and he struck me as
not being the demonstrative type. As we became closer friends, I asked
him about this and with a wry smile, he said "I was just so relieved
that I wasn't going to have to come looking for you" Tom named the
canyon Shenanigans. Amen.
So this crossroads thing that the story starts with. Took an honest
look at myself. The infamous Moe, suggests a diet. I stop the alcohol
(Except on the trips!), eat many small meals, interval training and
off goes the weight and up goes the conditioning. Took me 7 months to
start, but once I did, I changed my lifestyle. Haven't had a sniffle
in 16 months. Found the exersize high I had heard so much about but
never experienced. It was hiding behind the alcohol. A good addictive
personality can make good use of such knowledge. Made it down to 165
LB and eventually settled in at 170-175 range. When asked how I felt,
during the diet, my honest reply was cold and hungry, but that settled
out and I still handle the cold water just fine. My family got stoked
by my example and the kids read the labels, eat better than any parent
has a right to hope for or expect. And why did I make these changes?
To feel better? Live longer? See my kids grow up? Set a good example?
Nah! Would be easy to claim it, but it would be a lie. I did it to fit
through Shenanigans. And I did, with Tom back again, Moe on board,.
Also shared the day with good friends Barb Pollye, Steve Cole, Megan
Polk. I went through with the widest grin you can imagine, plastered
on my face, last October. For me, a sacred place. A place of
change.Yeehaw!
RAM
Part 2-TR-DAY 7-Crossroads Revisited
Why go back to the same canyon, one may ask? There are so many out
there begging to be seen and experienced. For me, there is many
reasons. Sometimes it is to finish unfinished business, like in
Shenanigans, in October. But why go back twice more in the next 6 months?
After the successful descent, in October, found myself in the North
Wash area for the New Year's FreezeFest. The date was December 31st.
Had another canyon planned, but what we found was that everything
above 5000 feet was locked in full winter. Snow on the ground and more
falling. Seemed that only the North Wash area was free of the pattern.
An island of good weather surrounded by harshness. What to substitute?
The Black Hole was scheduled for the next day, New Year's Day. Kinda
maybe wanna stay dry then. Gotta be a great canyon. How about
Shenanigans? North/South exposure, low altitude, dry, and a first
class place. Sure, I'll go back. Look around at my partners. OK, OK,
OK, OK, ahhhhh, Ryan Cornia., How much you weigh? 215? Ummmm. Hey
Ryan, why don't you come part way down, to my escape spot, then exit.
Great canyon till then. The man is easy going. Says sure and You sure
I can get that far? Positive, believe me!
Great day had by all. Ryan ends up taking 3.5 hours and we take 6.
Ummm, sorry you had to wait so long for us. I'll figure something for
next time.
Sometimes you do a canyon over again, because it is the best place to
go, that is in condition.
The wife Judy puts her foot down. I want to go in March with you and
Aaron, to Utah. But honey, it can be super cold and harsh then and Amy
is only 9 and, and, and I better say yes or this wonderful women may
start to count up my days out and decide to change the dynamic. After
all, she deserves it. but if she thinks I am going to "dumb down" the
trip, well.....I will if the weather is rough. So preparations begin
and we pray for good and unseasonable weather. We go and it is the
warmest and driest March in memory. Not only charming, but Judy is
charmed. Amy upped her mental game, which had been a concern and we
glided, with a variety of partners and partner assist. We were having
a blast. When I went down Shenanigans in December, I noted that maybe,
with good support that I could share this special place, for me, with
my family, so on the agenda it goes. They can all fit and there isn't
too much "off the ground work."
So one may go back to a canyon to share it with loved ones and see it
thru their eyes.
On tap for day 7 and off we go. Christa and Mike from the Colorado
group are on their first full canyon trip and loving it. Steve Levin,
friend of Charly Oliver, has given canyoneering a try and has taken to
it. Big Ryan Hull has brought a work associate, Travis and Jerry and
old partner is back from Asia, looking for more fun. Now these are 3
BIG men. Tad under 700 pounds for the 3 of them. I look at these
youthful dudes and I think World Wrestling Federation. Haystack Ryan,
Killer Travis, Mountain Jerry. Pretty obvious these guys aren't going
all the way through. How do we build on our experience from the past?
Hey guys, why don't you exit after the 3rd narrows, go around the top
and descend Leprechaun directly to the campsite? Sure, that works.
So one may go back to a canyon to put the perfect day together.
Off we go. I ask Ryan to keep an eye on and partner up with Amy. They
are off in front and I can just hope that all is going well. I hang
back with Judy and all is well. When we come to the split up spot, I
ask Ryan how it was with Amy. He said fine. I ask really? He smiles
and says "a very effective form of birth control" Man is hilarious.He
also set the new record for the third narrows at 250 pounds and he
said it was tight!
So one may repeat a canyon to test new limits.
It is slow through the lower canyon, but everyone does really well
and Amy didn't even complain on the 600 foot climb out, while I ranted
about Zion access and the need to join (plug) an organization like the
ZCC.
Back at the car, at 4:45PM, Aaron, Steve and I decide to race the
clock and darkness and sprint down Leprechaun. Toss some water and
food down AND throw in the headlamp and off. One hour and fifteen
minutes later, we are back at the campsite.
So one may do a canyon over again for the workout.
The group, back together again, makes dinner, starts the fire and
socializes.
So maybe the best reason to do a canyon over again is to be with
friends, new and old and share experiences, in the beauty of nature. I
love that canyon. I will return. Off to bed we go and all is
well.....or so it seemed. No one heard the mice eating through the
spark plug cables....
RAM
